I was just reading a post by Northern Girl about feeling all weird and uncomfortable about going to the loo when a male was in the Ladies and using the other cubicle. (Open door - ewww!)

That story slammed back the memory of a real freak out moment I had, as a parent, back in July this year.

As a background to my paranoia, the most gut wrenching and awful murder had been in the news only a few days beforehand, and parents round the country were reeling from it. An 8 year old girl had been in a shopping centre in Perth with her uncle and a brother. She'd skipped off to go to the Ladies - and never came back. They got worried, and a search finally found her body in the Disabled toilet. She had been raped and brutally murdered.

I'm pretty sure I speak for most parents in that we are always extra vigilant about our kids going to the loos in public parks and the like. But I know that in a big shopping centre I have let my kids - as young as 6 or 7 even - go to the toilet themselves. Shopping centre, lots of people around... always well lit, etc etc. Surely it's safe. No wonder the Australian public were in shock.

I tried not to let the above case make me ridiculously paranoid... and just determined to be a bit more watchful of them when they used public toilets anywhere. Any parent knows that eternal dilemma about letting the apron strings out (and when) despite all the godawful stories you hear.

Days later, at the beginning of school holidays, we travelled down to Newcastle for Caitlin's rep netball (State Age)... Cait wasn't with us, she was with the team, so it was just Marc, me and the younger two (then 7 and nearly 11).
We'd booked into a motel attached to a pub with a bistro, and we went to the bistro for dinner.
Like many pubs, the family bistro dining area is separate, but adjacent to the public bar. We were eating our dinner, and the girls needed to go to the loo.. so.. watching the door of the Ladies from.. oh.. maybe 15 metres away (max).. I continued my meal, talking to Marc. I can't remember now but I may have even been telling him about my paranoia about letting them go to the loo themselves since that awful event. He had been away overseas, and then away locally (we had actually had to drive down and meet him at this place at the end of a work field trip) so he tended to miss out on a lot of current affairs.

Next thing Alison comes out of the loos, without Zoe, shaking her wet hands, and she says to me "There's a man in the toilets!"

OMG, I don't think I have ever moved so fast.

I met Zoe on the way out, and they filled me in. There had been a man standing outside the stalls talking on mobile phone, but he wasn't there anymore. I went through.. it turned out there were two entrances to the toilets.. one from the bistro, and one from the public bar - and each entrance had its own basin area.. but the stalls were common.

There was no man there anymore. He had obviously taken a call on his phone in the bar.. couldn't hear, and absentmindedly walked into the wrong toilets in an attempt to get somewhere quiet.

My stomach was churning, though, and I had the tears welling up. I had to do something, so I went to the bar, and reported it. "In the light of recent events, I just thought you should know..." The poor security guy was sent on a wild goose chase, and I knew it wasn't achieving anything.. but I still didn't stop shaking for a while.

I think Marc thought I was over-reacting. Maybe it was just a mother thing. Maybe he was more numb to it because he hadn't been in the country when that particular news story broke.

We did talk to the girls about handling weird situations like that though. Told them if they ever EVER saw a man in any Ladies loos to just turn and run and get one of us. Even if they are busting. And to always go with someone. 99% of the time it will be as innocuous a reason as our experience. But don't take chances.

And so you have to let them continue to go to the loos in "safe" places... They need to grow up being able to be reasonably independent, but with some street 'smarts'. By the time they are in high school (or younger) they might be going away on school or sport trips. And you won't be there to hold their hand every inch of the way.

And men should watch which bloody toilets they go into so they don't send women prematurely grey.

Labels: parenting