The end of the school holidays caught up with us, and this morning was a pretty dismal performance.

Alison and Zoe missed the bus (fortunately for them Marc was heading to work around 9.00 so was able to drop them off on the way.)

The only thing I got right was having ironed all their school uniforms on Saturday.. though I had to do a quick job on Cait's long pants (the day dawning rainy and cool again and I'd lazily passed on ironing those thinking they wouldn't see the light of day again till autumn next year and sent them unironed to be scrunched up in her wardrobe!).. and a school jacket.

Alison sat fiddling around with pencils and pencil cases, deciding what to pack to take back to school.

Zoe splattered toothpaste all over the front of her school shirt.

Zoe couldn't find even ONE hairband.. the one that was located promptly broke as I tried to put her hair in a pony tail.

Alison couldn't find the plastic lunchbox she usually sits in her soft cooler lunch box. I unearthed both hers and Zoe's soft cooler boxes from the laundry where I'd dumped them to wash/bleach but didn't. Caitlin pulled hers out of her bag, and found a cockroach in it. I think it is still outside where she threw it.

At one point I sat on the end of the lounge, curled up almost into a foetal postion, and considered staying there all day.

Failure. Failure. Failure.

It's all because we went out all day yesterday.. on a bike ride.

I was so busy being pathetic the rest of the holidays, that I had no time to nag people to unpack school bags, and wash cooler bags. Did I.

The exercise yesterday helped me a bit, psychologically. I didn't feel inexplicably teary on the way back (just on the way down.) And maybe I've reached the critical point in my cycle where I might be capable of clawing my way out of my PMS excuse cloud - for a couple of weeks at least. Although I am sure I have documented in the past my belief that there is possibly such a thing as Post Menstrual Stress.

Tonight is another netball committee meeting, and, as with almost every other thing in my life at the moment, I am struggling to feel enthusiastic. Got the 'don't cares'. Got the the 'I don't even play this bloody game, so I don't really give a .....'s' It was a big year, and I could really do with a break from it, but the secretarial job doesn't really end.. and they are running a bloody twilight comp, and I have to be available for rego tomorrow night, and ..... blah...

Meetings at night are always a pain for me. Babysitting issues. Caitlin is often at netball training in town (getting a lift home by about 7pm). Marc is away half the time, and when he isn't, he plays Touch on Monday nights. I have used the president's husband for babysitting on numerous occasions, but it's basically a hassle packing them up to go there.. either eating by 5.30, or taking food with them. And having dinner for a ravenous Caitlin as soon as she is dropped off there after training.

Yesterday I looked up Marc's Touch game time in the paper, and, as it turns out, read it to be the time I wanted it to be, and not the time it actually was. I had it all planned that this time I'd take the younger girls with me when I dropped the netballers in town, drop them off with Marc, they could go with him to his 6pm Touch game, then come home. Cait could let herself in and eat. I decided the menu for tonight based on that plan. Something Cait could serve herself with quickly when she got in.

As Marc climbs into bed last night he informs me that I had it wrong. He plays at 7pm. D'oh. Had a sleepless half hour trying to decide whether to a) ditch the meeting altogether (but I am a control freak and don't want anyone else doing MY minutes, or making decisions without me); b) do the babysitting at friend's option (but that's a pain in the arse meal-wise, plus it makes the night even later for them) or c) leave the younger two at home, with Marc on the end of the phone and skype at the office till 6.45, by which time Cait will almost be home (plus they can ring me in the meeting, I don't care.)

Going with c). And will stress myself out while doing so.

Meantime, I have alleviated the stress of not having done the minutes.. they are done, and all I have to do now is refill the ink in my printer. (And there was no majorly important correspondence that I was supposed to have done and forgotten.)

My swimming class is back and happening this afternoon, so hopefully that will make me feel better as well. I woke up with a bit of a headache... so hopefully the HLEE's will all dance around gleefully and help me get my shit together by tonight.

Labels: HLEEs, holidays

There... see how good you can feel when you prise yourself out of bed when the clock still has a 5 on it, stagger into your bike gear, force feed yourself some cereal, click your shoes into the pedals on your road tandem, and share 45 km riding with your dearly beloved.

Average speed 26.1 kph, highest speed 69 kph. (Yee haaaa). Included the 3km climb, and my few small solo bike rides helped I think. Marc said he could feel the 'afterburners' a couple of times, so that made me feel alright.

The only thing I didn't like was that the highway was busier on a weekday morning compared to the Sunday that we previously did. (Busier = frigging scary at times..) I think we might stick to weekend rides down the highway in future. The only other choice would be to go heaps earlier, and I don't think I could cope with that. Plus when daylight saving starts in a few weeks, it'll be dark!

Reckon I'd feel even better if I'd been able to get to sleep quicker last night. But hopefully it will kick my diurnal cycle back into a more sensible range... ie. earlier to bed than usual tonight.

Zoe was just getting up when we got back. The other two were still in bed, and Caitlin is still there. Her goal these holidays is (apparently) not to get up before 10.30 if she can help it. Good to know we are raising such a sloth.

I will have to come up with something for dinner.. and perhaps get to the shops for weekend meals. Yesterday I got lazy and didn't get to the shops. (Went to visit a friend with a newborn bub instead.)

Every now and then I like to challenge myself by producing a meal with what I have in the fridge, freezer and cupboard. Not everybody appreciates what ends up on the table, but I take a secret pride in being able to feed us thus. So last night, it came down to figuring out something to do with a tin of salmon. Tinned fish isn't Marc's favourite thing (so I avoid using it most of the time).. and Caitlin flatly refuses to eat fish. Whatever. I made salmon, kumara and capsicum fritters... grating orange and white kumara (and onion), and mixing it all together with egg, and frying them. I thought they turned out quite fine.

Caitlin decided to get her own dinner, and ended up making herself a cup of soup and toast. Not good. She got an earful about that not being appropriate (a cup of chemicals and bread and butter.... not good.) On top of all the other issues with her at the moment, I feel like Marc and I need to sit down and work out a plan of attack on how to deal with her.

It's all a reflection on the undisciplined approach I have to life in general. Outside the house we sort of carry it off (and our kids are well behaved, high performers) But at home it's a bit chaotic. I should be more on top of the everyday jobs they should be doing... but it's a bit hard when I'm a bit of a slacko myself. How can I expect them to make their beds when I don't always make ours!

We could probably all benefit from some self discipline... the challenge I have issued myself is to do so without turning the house into a pseudo school. While I know they work for others, I have resisted, so far, the sticker chart concept (and also tying pocket money to chores).

I am working on some sort of reward system tied to computer use time... still in the 'idea' stage, swishing around in the back of my brain... Maybe today .. with those exercise endorphins swishing around ... is the day...

Labels: bike riding, HLEEs, parenting

I tend to run either on full throttle, or barely at all. I wish I could find the in-between; some sort of balance.

Tomorrow morning we have wild plans to get up before 6 am, and meet a friend to ride down the highway (Marc and me on the road tandem - a 44km return ride... like I said, tends to be all or nothing with me...)

It's school holidays, with nothing planned for the whole 2 weeks, apart from bike riding on the weekend. The kids and I are all lolling around, sleeping in, and spending far too much time on the computer. There is probably no reason why holidays shouldn't be like that.. but if that's the case, why do I feel guilty?!

I told myself that today I would at least do a walk up the beach. Looked up the tide times. Low tide was 12.20 or thereabouts. Perfect. Go at around 11.00. Sounds simple enough.

Conscience kicks in. Should get the kids up and at 'em as well, shouldn't I. Zoe should be doing some bike riding. They all should be doing something active. (Thing is, now they are old enough that I can leave them at home for reasonable periods in the day time.. so I should just be selfish and take myself. Maybe then I would have the HLEE's zipping around inside me, and I would come up with terrific ideas on how to get them a-happening as well.)

Caitlin emerges from the mother of all sleep ins (something she specialises in ).. and puts the TV on to watch shows she'd recorded last night. Like House. And (bloody) Simpsons. And so I watch out of the corner of my eye as well. Duh.

And now it's after 1pm. Lunchtime. (I made myself a healthy, grainy bread sandwich - one gold star in an otherwise pathetic performance.)

And they finally started on making a card for friends who just had a baby. (I'm a bit of a nutter when it comes to cards... I'm not a big fan of them - part of me doesn't even see the point of them... but when I give them I like to give homemade ones, particularly when I have such clever artistically inclined children... go figure...) And with Caitlin's art skills skyrocketing of late, I have, of course, high expectations!

I am not game to leave them right now in case the uneasy truce and nice 'working together' vibes shatter. (As they started I had Zoe crying at Caitlin: "Stop telling me what to do.. I'm not a baby you know.")

This morning I did register us to do the Sydney Spring Cycle.. and sorted our accommodation for the Gong Ride. (Took a whole 15 mins max, but I'll claim it as my main achievement for the day.)

the kids being arty crafty is a good thing.. right? So they are achieving something. And in a few minutes I am going to go get my joggers on, and power walk out that door. (Right after I've sorted out the 'situation' that has blown up in the time it's taken me to type this... #2 child storming off upstairs in a tizzy throwing emotional accusations back at #1 "You never let me do things!")

My fault again? Setting too high a standard for the card?

Sometimes you wonder if you can ever get things right...

Labels: HLEEs, holidays, parenting

Exercise endorphins. They are so real.. I can feel them right now, buzzing around my body even 5 hours after getting home. An almost tingly feeling, which sends 'I Feel Terrific' messages to my brain, pulling me out of the funk that I tend to wallow around in on an all too regular basis of late. Today I tore myself away from blog land and rode my bike - only 12km, but hey.. that's 12km better than nothing. [I made a pact with myself that I was going to ride to a lunch date.] And at 5.30 I backed up for my swimming squad. And I'm HIGH!

For a 44 year old, I'm managing to keep myself relatively active. Not as active as some, but a truckload more than many women my age. (What a pity I sabotage that with my eating, but I'll leave that issue for another post another day.)

Courtesy of still being a 'stay at home' mum, I have plenty of time in which to schedule exercise - but do I? All too often, no. (Take this week, for example, where I slothed around at home most days.) And I can't understand why I don't. This feeling is good enough to get addicted to - and what's more, it's legal, and, yes, yes, it's actually good for you!

I don't have a problem drinking 5 cups of coffee (or more) a day, and it doesn't make you feel that good for that long. And the beer or wine I convince myself I need most nights doesn't make me feel quite as wonderful either. (Lucky for me I don't have any other harder drug addictions or interests!)

I have been swimming in an Adult fitness squad for nearly 4 years now - mostly two sessions a week. Monday at 1.30, and Friday afternoons at 5.30. Thank god for that, otherwise I'd be a vegetable. (And my swimming wouldn't have improved either.) These days we usually cover around 2.2 km a session, a mix of warm ups/downs, drills, and a variation of aerobic and anaerobic sprint workouts which can leave you gasping for breath. Not the sort of thing you'd make yourself do whilst doing laps down at the local pool.

The swimming has given me the newfound ability to jog a bit, so most Tuesday afternoons I thud around a 2.5 km cross country course with Zoe. (*Thud* being the operative word!) I am not sure my bod is up to it, but I am giving it a whirl... taking now around 17 mins to do the distance. That isn't particularly fast! It's just barely jogging! (As a guide, Alison does that distance in about 12 minutes, and Zoe in about 15.) But I am just chuffed that I can do it without walking. It's something I couldn't do when I was a kid, and I get an endorphin hit (and a few aches and pains!)

I even activate those super cool endorphins if I do a decent paced walk up the beach and back.

And, given our newfound passion for bike riding, I am trying to 'train' myself up a bit, so that the extreme bouts of riding that we set ourselves to do, aren't quite such an Everest. The Big Ride that we did earlier this year (on the tandems) was HUGE by most people's standards. (Doesn't come near something like Le Tour de France, but we are talking normal people here!) Did it, but did it tough in places, so know there is room for fitness improvement. And Marc, bless him, does keep reminding me that I am the weakest link, even if he doesn't use those words.

The other weekend we did an 'extreme' bout of bike riding. 44km on the road tandem, him and me, at some ungodly hour for a Sunday morning; and then 35 km with the girls on the 'old' tank tandem, Marc having to hitch Zoe's trail-a-bike to his single mountain bike because Her Highness, Ms 13, wanted to sloth! And we were STUFFED. Can't imagine why, after 80km in one morning! But, bloody hell, at the same time I felt absolutely wonderful!

So, tell me. Why can't I get myself hooked on doing something endorphin producing like this every day?

Last time I got serious about it (a few weeks ago), I got sick. (Caught the lurgy that was going around.) That knocked me around for a week, and I'm still trying to get back on track. The time before I tore a calf muscle!!

It's hard not to get just a teeny bit disillusioned! And disillusionment leads to 'funk' and wallowing, and sitting on my backside procrastinating, and in a vicious cycle. And not going out and activating those feel-good endorphins.

Still. I am lucky. Body mostly functioning at the moment (although the hip is niggly after jogging last week.) Rain has stopped (wish we could have sent this last lot west - where they really need it.) Marc is on his way to get us a triplet bike! We are going in the Sydney to Gong bike ride. And all is right with the world. (Yeah, right..)

Tonight I feel inspired. I wonder if this time I can get addicted.

Labels: HLEEs