Oh god, it's nits. And it's my fault it got this bad. She was scratching her head before christmas, and I have just felt too crap for the last few weeks to deal with it - to do the tedious conditioner comb through. This afternoon I have just spent a couple of hours on Zoe's hair, to the point that she was crying, and I was just about crying, and I know I will have to do another treatment tomorrow.. and then every few days to get rid of the bastards.

Notes on nits:

If you live in a cooler climate that doesn't support head lice, then think yourself bloody lucky. These days, around where I live, where it is virtually sub-tropical, they are all too common, and they, in fact, like clean hair, so although there still feels to be a stigma attached to them (believe me!), it does not mean you are dirty.

If your child is a boy (and has short hair as is most usual) think yourself bloody lucky.

If your girl child has thin hair (long or short) think yourself bloody lucky.

If your girl child has short hair, think yourself bloody sensible.

Saying for a couple of weeks "Stop bloody scratching your head" is not an adequate way of dealing with the bastards.

Just because it's Christmas .. New Year... holidays... doesn't mean the bastards won't lay eggs and multiply.

Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they aren't there. In fact, by the time you can see the bastards, her head is riddled with them. RIDDLED.

Drinking wine to 'get you through' the conditioner combing treatment could be dangerous. Two hours later, and I'm a candidate for Northern Girl and Rootie Toots NaDruBloDa or whatever it was (and I'm too heady to even work out how to link to it/them right now but I will when I'm sober, I promise.)

Getting drunk and depressed while dealing with the mother of all nit infestations can also cause extreme facetiousness when rung up at 7 pm by some call centre letting you know that your local exchange is now broadband enabled (when you have already been on broadband for two years and have already received numerous calls in this vein..)

Getting drunk and depressed while dealing with the mother of all nit infestations, while still recovering from 6 weeks of a bloody respiratory infection, can also cause you to cry when your husband and two elder children (just now) return from a late afternoon bodysurf and you see that he has dislocated his shoulder AGAIN.... It is back in - the girls helped him - but he will be sore and sorry and not totally able for a while, and oh F-U-C-K, I/we just do not need this right now. (Sorry, that was swearing, but I am drunk and disorderly - and distressed.)

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