.. probably...

"What are you doing?" he asks, as I take the calendar off the wall, flick back to March, and start counting weeks.

"One, two.. hmmm... exactly three weeks...since..... hmmm... yes... I suppose I'm in PMT (PMS.. whatever... hormonal) territory... Well, I hope so, because otherwise why do I just feel like crying?"

I waited till they all left for work and school.. had a teensy little cry.. then had a good laugh at these two blog posts:

Woulda Coulda Shoulda - Mir has such an ability to write -with such wit - it just shouldn't be allowed! Pointy and difficult?!!! OMG... (I am kind of relieved to have only girls!)

and

Amalah (I don't even like cats much, but the icanhascheeseburger thing somehow amuses me this morning.)

And then I've had a long phone call with a friend, debriefing from the netball committee meeting last night. I did come home a bit cranky because it went till 9.30... and I hadn't had dinner yet... and I was still reeling from the attitude of one junior coach/parent, V., who I had previously had a bit of time for.

She astounded me by criticising my daughter's coach for allowing her team to "flog" hers on Saturday and not taking off her "best" player in the last quarter. OK, the score ended up 23-7.. but Ali's team had also lost by similar margins the first two weeks when Ali wasn't there - in one of those weeks this tall shooter had come off sick - noone else could shoot, and the game went from a close one to a 27-6 loss - so as if Ali's coach was going to jeopardise anything! (And this was only the second game this 'losing' team has played because their other week was a bye!)

She has a point that her team could get disheartened - she is worried that she has the most short players in the competition and she is right to address it early in the season, but she shouldn't be bagging out the other coach ! I was shellshocked because when I started to naively respond with the above 'defence' of my daughter's coach, she was very aggressive towards me.. aggression dressed up to look like assertiveness - the 'let me finish' and 'I'm sorry, Tracey, but I was there and...' and the like. You know the sort of thing.

So, blah.. I was probably stewing on that. Now that I've been able to say to this 'mutual' friend that I was 'really pissed off'.. and that I thought V. was out of order, I feel much better.

Bloody netball... I always heard it could be a bitchy sport.. and some days I don't know what the hell I am doing being involved in the committee! I've never even played the damn game, and it is consuming my life! I have paperwork, and website stuff to do for it today, and I am starting to resent it.

Before the meeting yesterday I was already teetering on the melancholy. I was feeling like this emotional rollercoaster ride I've been on the past few weeks was gathering momentum and careering down again - maybe into one of those spirally vortex thingies (crap analogy here, but you get my drift...) I made an enquiry about counselling yesterday but he was too busy at work to talk about it, and then there was the meeting palava to recover from last night. We talked more when we went to bed, and I told him that I started getting anxious when the 'good' communication we'd rediscovered went back to 'average'. .. what with him being stressed out at work again...(and me being stressed out with netball!) I am scared of either of us taking each other for granted again - and I told him that I think that every day now I am going to need something... a sign.. from him.. that lets me know that 'we' are good. When you think about it that is probably not a bad idea for every relationship. (Or is that what happens in every successful relationship, and is that where things derailed a bit for us? )

My friend suggested I get out and get me some exercise endorphins, which is not a bad idea. Bike? Or walk? Either way, off my bum and out of here!

~~
Added a bit later... just heard news that the wife of a former colleague of Marc's died last week. Similar age to us - kids 14, 12 and 10. Collapsed while on a harbour cruise (after ringing her husband who was at work to rub it in...).. brain aneurism I think. Life support turned off after some time, not sure of details. So sad. Timely reminder to enjoy your family every day and not take each other for granted, isn't it...

Labels: grrrrr, introspection