Well, no, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I just can't get out from underneath the avalanche of retail store catalogues that engulf my letterbox each day. (And I thought it was the digital age... hah.... Bloody Christmas....)

Seriously? Blogging has just taken a back seat - as I threatened - throughout the latter part of the year. Counter productive, really, as I will have lost what small readership I actually had. And writing keeps rearing its ugly head as one of the things I want to do, so it has made no sense to back off, really.

It has been a time of trying to reinvent myself - work out who I am and what I want to be. (*gag*) Actually it's been more like leaving what small amount of course work I had to do till the last minute, then panicking and getting stressed about it. As always with it I turn molehills into mountains, aim for a higher quality than I need to (for a Certificate II course), and can't get past the reality vs 'pretend just for the exercise' parts. (So the last things I am stressing over are a resume and an application letter...)

I am riding the 'what to do when I grow up' rollercoaster in the funpark of life. One minute on a high, and full of boundless enthusiasm- with the track mapped out ahead of me (and propped up by wonderful analogies of only needing to look ahead to the next station, or checkpoint- can you tell I went to see the TAFE careers counsellor?). Next thing I'm plummeting back down into Reality Check land. And 'I Could Never Be THAT Good' Valley.

And, as we all know, roller coaster rides usually take you back round to where you started, and I feel as if that's where this course has taken me. Right back to the insecurities that I had when I started. Why make me research job descriptions for potential (slightly pie in the sky) jobs? I'm a good enough googler these days to manage to uncover a mass of opinion out there, and of course I am very good at taking everything I read to heart, despite the fact that I know it is someone else's OPINION only.

Quite a bit of the self confidence spilt out of that brim-full glass somewhere along the way ...

Anyhows, I have applied to do a one year (Certificate IV) course in Information Technology- Website Design. Which should take care of next year. And hopefully equip me with enough skillz to at least be able to say "I can build/design websites. Wanna pay me?" And as an adjunct I want to pick up some tips and/or tuition in Freelance Writing. And anything else I can think of...

Meanwhile, the house has been going yet further into rack and ruin, and I keep thinking "Once the course is over I'll get on top of that." Yeah, right.

The family, throughout, has still been fed and watered, and clothes washed (though not necessarily sorted and very definitely not ironed - I iron as needed anyway...) Have been floundering around and getting D's at best in Parenting of Teenagers 101. Eldest daughter has decided we are the world's most unreasonable and overprotective parents - and her view is reflected in assumptions made about how we will view ANYTHING. Never mind that she has just spent 5 nights away in Sydney to participate in the Schools Spectacular. We are just such bastards like that.

I got to fly down to Sydney to go see the show - just this last weekend - and had three nights at my parents'. It was good to have a few days away from the house and all those depending on me to decide what to have for dinner, and to magically (and eventually) ensure that the dishes are clean... But I have come back with a cricked neck (I blame the spare bedding/pillow arrangement at my parents' house) - and so it is off to the chiropractor yet again for me in the morning. There is always something annoying wrong with me. When I got back yesterday I was motivated to tackle some vacuuming of this disgusting house, but that energy seems to have worn off today. Somehow.

With one thing and another, I haven't done much exercise, and it is showing - both visually, and in my head.

And I haven't done a bloody thing for Christmas. I wonder if I could get away with ignoring it altogether...

Labels: daily