Tuesday, April 17, 2007


Some days you could just *punch* something...

The trainer I am going to must be a mind reader. Having spent a bit too much time in my Unhappy Place over the past few weeks , I really felt like taking it all out on something, and bugger me if she didn't produce the boxing gloves for the warm up today. *punch, punch, PUNCH* *punch, punch, PUNCH* I could feel myself getting into it.. although I did restrain myself a bit. A part of me could have unleashed a frenzy that might have culminated in me collapsing in a sobbing heap.

I also am so self conscious, I'm not sure it's really me to be doing all that jumping/skipping/darting around... but you never know. It's just that I have always looked and felt like I had lead in my shoes when it comes to propelling myself around. Not someone who you could say was light on their feet! But I wonder. Maybe I could become a convert. Maybe I need to buy a punching bag and gloves, hang them in the carport or somewhere, and go out and lay into it whenever I am feeling ... the way I sometimes do.

But what I did today felt good... I do feel like I've released a bit of tension. And she worked me hard with all the rest of the stuff, so that I am feeling sore all over. Masochistic as it sounds, that makes me feel good. Sore can be good, and so it is with exercise. It unleashes some manner of endorphins which help. For sure. When I am feeling crap, I know I can rein in the demons a bit by taking myself out and getting my legs moving and my heart pumping. Just not sure it is quite enough. I am just lucky that with the kids getting older, I can just do the escape thing - throw open the door and just walk out.

I took myself up the beach yesterday afternoon. Endorphin time, and thinking time. I sorted through a bit of crap in my head, and let the tears roll a couple of times. I think I can figure out everything that is wrong 'not right' - but I don't know if I have the tools to fix it all by myself. Making the decision to go to a counsellor is one thing. Actually following through and doing it is quite another.

Punching bag? Counsellor? Or both?

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I couldn't find an email address for you so I put the link to that YouTube thing in the comments for the post. Hope your daughter enjoys it, over and over again! It's always nice to know that they're getting indoctrinated early!
"Punching bag? Counsellor? Or both? "

Both. Talk therapy is a marvelous thing, with the right counselor. It helps you to get an objective view of things *you* can't look at objectively. If nothing else, you get to have someone listen to you blow off steam for an hour, and because you're paying them, you don't feel bad about doing it.
I agree - both.
I agree, both isn't a bad idea.
Both - and lots of cyber hugs from your friends, Trace.

Next week, when the kids go back to school, please schedule a day just for you - not for you to feel guilty about not doing what you "should" be doing, but a day to feel pleasure and delight at what amazes you, about yourself and things around you - and let the you within that is getting so punchy have her say.

She might have something really worthwhile that will make your life more fulfilling or at least start the inner mending process.

Hugs, girl.

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