You would think someone who can do a 500km bike ride with husband and three kids, camping, would have the get up and go to be super organised around the house.

Not so. Not me, anyway.

Am struggling today.. knowing I have a deadline of packing for this weekend's Gong Ride.. leaving tomorrow afternoon... and I can't get my act together.

I've spent the morning finishing the Spring Cycle blog post. And doing another one about the new triplet rack. Marc's the one whose been industrious with that.. and he's been up early and into work the last two mornings (mainly because he's been taking time to get the rack organised.)

And I've continued putting off doing stuff - apart from keeping on top of the laundry. Six million things I could be doing, and I'm wallowing in I don't know what.

Doesn't help my body is stuffing me around. My 'cycle' is stuffed. Now my period seems to be coming early (after running late last time round).. either that or the mid-cycle spotting that characterised (as it turned out) the polyp symptoms, has happened again, and either way, it's playing havoc with my emotional state. PMT again?

Maybe it's that. Maybe it's part of a greater lethargy. I mentioned my late grandmother's addiction to Vincents powder yesterday - and it has occurred to me that my incessant coffee drinking, and the inability to go an evening without either a wine or a beer (even though I usually drink lite ) has some scary parallels.

My mother has always been quite scathing of her mother. Didn't have a happy childhood.. never talks about it. They never did anything worth remembering, and she talks about the scenario my uncle related with much derision. Now that I look at it, I wonder if my grandparents (both of them) were dealing with depression. It's bizarre, you know. My mother was born a year before WW2 started.. and so it must have been a difficult time to raise a family. (Yet mum never acknowledges any of that.)

So... shake your tail feather, Tracey. Don't want to go there.. (for more reasons than the example given here...) Outwardly, with all the STUFF that we do, I'm not in danger of succumbing to a life of no interests (and being bitter and twisted like my grandparents ended up). And, given the opportunities and standard of living I enjoy, there should be no reason to live in a cloud.

So on a day to day basis, I do need to find some way of getting a rocket under me! And being good at doing all that stuff I don't feel like doing. That's the difficulty.

My greatest skill is the ability to put off doing something till "tomorrow". Cleaning, in particular. Having a 'drink'-free evening is another. Taking myself out and getting those exercise endorphins happening is yet another. Not eating something full of way too many calories because I will feel better about myself if I lose weight is another one still.

On the plus side today, the building designer just rang, and will move forward with approaching council with the concept of extending out front (and close to the fence line, like examples A, B and C in the street that he observed on the weekend.) If I could make progress with the cargo barrier, I might really feel like positive things are happening.

Right now, although I could probably do with some zingy-zing-zing endorphins, I can't go out for a walk.. the triplet needs babysitting! So I am stuck with cleaning, or packing. My favourite things. NOT.

I will have a good time once we are away. (And once I've got through the Ungodly Hour wake up on Sunday morning!!) It's just the getting there.. and getting through this current funk.

Labels: introspection