Friday, August 31, 2007


Not really

In my constant drive to be "me" - and to be true to "me" - whoever and whatever that is (I'm still trying to figure it out) - I'm not sure if sometimes I don't go just a little bit overboard. I'm not sure if I'm rebelling against those college years when I desperately tried to fit in (and failed.) But even after I'd discovered there was more to life than getting drunk and going 'woo hoo, party, party', I still used to at least be capable of putting on a skirt and a bit of make up and going out for dinner with a group of people.

Now I even eschew the makeup, and dread having to get dressed up to go out. (Doesn't help that with my dodgy feet, I can't even wear heels.)

Yesterday at tennis one of my teammates started talking about the idea of going away on a 'girls' weekend. It started as an end of season idea, with yesterday being our last game for the year. They started talking about the idea of going to Brisbane to 'a show'.

I didn't contribute to the conversation, but then, after the others were coming over all enthusiastic about it, she asked me directly if I'd be in that.

"Um. Not really." That was what came out. And it sounded so rude, but it's the truth, because it really isn't something I'd enjoy. I never really ever got into the 'girls night out' scene. Never been very typical, really. Never had the group of 'girlfriends', and just never ever did the night out, nightclub scene, with the alcohol-fueled sillies. And certainly no dancing. I loathe that sort of dancing - I am just too self-conscious.

While I don't mind the company of some of these women, I don't really feel like spending 4 hours drive each way in a car with them, then all the rest of the palava. (Plus there is one that I quite honestly have to admit I have come to dislike.) I've done the 'solo weekend escape' to Brisbane before; meeting up with a bunch of people I'd 'met' on an internet bulletin board, and I had to admit to myself that I actually didn't much enjoy being away from my family for that long after all. So I'm not in a hurry to do it again.

Lately, though, I find myself dreading even an average night out. This Saturday I'm expected to go to the Senior presentation night for the netball - because I was on the committee. I really really don't want to go. I'm dreading it, but god, what sort of boring-ass homebody am I?

I question myself constantly over it. Why don't I like to be like 'most women'? Does that make me boring? Or just different? Am I going overboard (and turning into my mother - my Dad thinks she is anti-social - and god help me, I don't want to turn into my mother)? Or am I just standing up for who I am, for what I do and don't enjoy doing, and being strong enough not to just follow the crowd?

It's not like I'm avoiding any and all social contact - I'm all keen to be back on the bike again tomorrow morning and enjoying the breakfast chit-chat after the community ride. So I'm not a total hermit. Seriously!

Back to my bluntness, I couldn't, at the time, think of any way to make my blunt 'no thanks' sound less rude. I heard the one that I'm not that keen on say half under her breath "okaaaaay".... and I knew that anything I added was just going to sound trite, so I just shut my mouth and said nothing more, before I dug myself more of a hole.

I have pledged to 'hang' with the girl that issued the 'invitation' this Saturday night, so I might just have to try to find a serious moment to apologise for being me.


don't apologise for being you!

maybe if you get the chance tell the girl that you didn't mean it to sound the way it came out although you do appreciate being included.

If it's not you then it's not you, nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with being you.

apart from my uni days, I haven't really done the girls night out or weekend away thing. I don't really enjoy it and in a crowd of women I fade into the background, even when its a large group of people I know well.
There's more to life than drinking? Shit...

No don't hang on Saturday night Tracey! It's a killer on your neck. (badoom tish)

I figure to each their own really. My housemate can't understand how I can sit in a loungeroom reading a book while people are around me or the TV is on and not join the conversation. We each have our own social proclivities and frankly I think you're damned if you do, damned if you don't in most cases.

There should be no guilt attached to being true to yourself and your own wants and needs. Screw what someone else thinks.
Wow we are so much alike. The idea of a girls weekend terrifies me, unless it's maybe 1 or 2 that I know VERY well. (Hey Jerseychick, let's you, me, and Tracey go somewhere and not wear makeup or heels).

Don't regret being who you are, there's more of us out there that you realize, and we have a tendencey to form 1 or 2 deep lasting relationships instead of a double handful of TeeHee girlfriends.
I agree with shishyboo - don't apologise for being you.
You can have friends without seeing all of them, all together, 24/7, for an entire weekend.
I regularly meet up with two school-friends for a weekend away without children, and we have a great time. But that's a little different.
Mind you, I do find that the less I go out in large groups, the more nervous I get about it.
It's probably good to force yourself out of the door once in a while just to prove to yourself that you can do it.
My best g'friend went on a weekend like that last weekend, and I wondered to myself if I'd like to go too (if I'd been invited!) and my honest reaction was, 'not really'.

All women company, for extended periods of time has, I admit, always, gotten on my nerves!

Don't be sorry.
GOOD ON YOU! Its amazing to think that peer pressure lingers on well after the school days, but it does, so good on you for being true to yourself. You were merely being honest, not rude at all, if that is what the others wanted to do, doesn't mean you have to. Its not like you said, "why would I want to spend anymore time with you whences than I already do?" Rather, you were asked for your personal opinion and you gave it - true and solid.
I am more of a one on one type of girl too, large parties are too overwhelming and/or impersonal for me. Dancing? No way in hell! I prefer a quiet chat over a cuppa, a hike with a mate or a nice dinner with a friend or couple. That might be boring to others, but that is what I enjoy and I don't see any reason to apologise for that.
"No" is not rude.

Wouldn't you be proud of your girls if they said "No, thanks" to a partying, drinking, sillies trip? Would you think they were rude if they said, "No, thanks?"

In fact, isn't that what we hope they would say?
lol - its amazing how many of us fit into that category, eh?

I went to a school reunion last year and spent the weekend with V - at that stage we only got Fridays and Saturdays together due to distance.

Girls who I had last met up with 10/20 years ago were a little put out that I chose to spend the Saturday night with my new man and my daughter rather than get drunk with them.

Frankly? There were maybe 2 that I had anything to do with after I left school and there were many reasons for that, the main one being that I ain't into drinking and for many of them, that IS society.

Its harsh when you are put in a corner about it - but a fun night for me sometimes is catching up on my blogs!!!
At least it seems I blog amongst like-minded people! Thank you all for making me feel a bit more normal! Although I haven't even managed to form the one or two long lasting relationships.

You make a good point, jersey chick! Strauss.. "I prefer a quiet chat over a cuppa, a hike with a mate or a nice dinner with a friend or couple."... Yes, that's me.

I dipped out of Saturday night. Sent a text saying I didn't feel well. Which was kind of true. Just didn't feel "well" in my head; just didn't want to be out with the people that it was with.
Of course you don't have to go anywhere or do anything where you wouldn't feel comfortable. I certainly have my anti-social moments. Sometimes, but not always, I find that I'm having fun despite myself.
Large gatherings of people can be decidedly daunting, sometimes you have to steel yourself to meet someone new, sometimes you are forced to interact with people you'd rather keep at arms distance.
I spent a painfully shy childhood locked into books, somehow I seemed to acquire a number of friends along the way, most of whom are still with me.
I'm more venturesome now, but only moderately so, I think that having a family and being forced to shift for myself has helped me. You don't have to say, 'No, I don't want to hang out with you!' A white lie (and I see you used one) will do fine. After all you do have to interact with these people in future, but there's no need to be their best buddy.

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