In keeping with the title of my last post: Convergence. Or - Why does everything happen at once?

My ISP, in their wisdom, decided to change over all their webhosting to new servers, right about NOW... and while they have all this waffle about temporary servers bla bla bla, I just don't have the time to wade through the geek speak to figure it all out. The personal website I have hosted there is not of any huge importance, and I can handle that being off the air for a couple of weeks.

BUT. As you might have figured by the little red cross at the top of this blog, that's where I just so happened to have been hosting my blog banner image.

And right now, as you'll figure from my previous post, it is not the ideal time for me to be re-uploading files to a new webserver - never mind trying to figure out whether they will actually show up yet or not till the 6th Oct, and what temporary url I'm supposed to use till then!!

Too hard basket!

So, for now, no blog banner. Perhaps early next week I'll work out an alternative. Right now, despite having made some progress (I've made the flied lice..) I really shouldn't even be sitting here typing blog posts of any description.

[Ed: At least I got the blog banner back and working!]

Labels: losing my mind

Or: "I told you I can't do stupid role play scenarios."

Wondering why I haven't posted for a week?** I've just been doing the Stress Thing. As in Irrational Anxiety Attack - come on DOWN!

What about? About a stupid course. A course that meant nothing in the scheme of things. There was no pass or fail. Just turn up and supposedly learn stuff. That's all. Easy peasy.

To most normal people.

One week and one day before this Ride Leader Training course, we were emailed all this reading material, and the course outline. And it was apparent that the 'course' day was really more an 'assessment' day. Barely an hour of actual course time! We were to plan a ride route, based on the material in the 20 page guidelines we were sent. And be assessed on it. And on the day we would be taken around a short ride route, and then we'd have to 'lead' a group of volunteer riders around that ride route. And be assessed on it.

A group of volunteer riders would be prepped to act out a range of things that can and do 'go wrong' on rides. And you had to roll up, and play pretendsies at being the leader; do pre-ride briefing.. and briefings at each regrouping point as you rode around this 3 km course. During this time you would have to act out dealing with the varied pretend scenarios the actor/riders were going to present. Every possible thing they could think of that could go wrong on a ride. (People falling off bikes, getting chest pains on hills, going the wrong way, riding ahead... you name it...)

Well. I stressed about it. BIG TIME. I have developed, over the years, what you'd have to call a verging-on pathological neurosis about role playing - or hypotheticals. (I don't even have to be in front of a group of people - I once flipped out over an online computer course I started to do, because I had to pretend I was advising on computers to buy for some fictitious school.. and I couldn't do it. Because it wasn't real. I couldn't bring myself to pretend or imagine or assume all these fictitious details!)

Various people, but particularly Marc, talked soothing logic to me - even up to when we were lying in bed at 11pm the night before! (that was Marc, not the various people)- and told me it wasn't really that hard, and I was as smart or smarter than most of the people doing it, and it wasn't rocket science, and it didn't really MATTER anyway. What did I have to lose? Nothing! (Plus the classic role model for the kids thing - about giving things a go, doing your best, facing your demons. Yadda, yadda...)

So, that prevented me from pulling out of the bloody thing beforehand.... and so, despite my misgivings, I turned up on the day.

And then the whole role playing thing threw me completely. You see, if I was going to lead a ride, I would pre-arrange one or two support riders that I could trust to be riding with me. One to be the sweep rider, and quite possibly one to lead off, because I know that I am a hill slug. So my M.O. would be to ride in the middle - keeping an eye on things...

I questioned the course leaders on this, but because I was the third cab off the rank to do the scenario, I couldn't use one of the other riders doing the course with me. (Not until they'd done it.) I had to turn up and use whoever was in the volunteer group - ask one of them to be the sweep rider - and "make assumptions" that they would do it right - whatever the hell that meant.

So this threw me already. I wasn't happy about it, because already it was a totally unrealistic situation for me. And the situation was already in role-reversal, because the volunteer riders were there 'controlling' the situation from the start. They had already ridden the route more times than me, and they were there ready to wreak havoc if they could! (Which is not how a normal ride would be!!)

And then one of the volunteers riders (from BNSW - Bicycle NSW - there were five people from BNSW here to run or to help with this course - ever heard the term "junket"?!) - says "I'll be sweep rider."

And I wasn't happy about that, because I didn't know him from a bar of soap, and so I didn't want him to be sweep rider... yet he insisted again... and, while it pissed me off, I wasn't strong enough to know how to deal with it. The assessor invited me to start, and when I went to start with the pretendsies situation - the "HI! I'm Tracey, and I'm going to be your rider leader for today..." it all welled up inside me, and I felt like I was going to burst into tears.

And I just blurted out "I can't do this."

What do you call that? (Apart from pathetic.) Choking? Stage fright?.... Anxiety attack?

I couldn't even start... and I knew that I'd be totally shit at acting out dealing with people pretending to fall off bikes, and have heart attacks, and do the wrong thing... all in the space of 3 km.

Luckily one of the women doing the course with me (and I consider her a friend) is already a qualified trainer/assessor, and they asked her to talk to me. (Seems I'd thrown THEM a situation they didn't know how to deal with!!)

She was wonderful. Called it a classic case of stage fright. Had seen it before. Suggested some options... trying it again later if I wanted - by then she'd have done hers, so would be available to be sweep rider. Or she could 'assess' me later on a real ride. She deflected the guy who had wanted us to do the course in the first place, and who kept on, unhelpfully, telling me I could do it, he had "faith in me.".

I decided not to do it. I know it would have been 'facing my fears'... but I was (and still am) too much of a mixture of upset and angry - and I didn't want to be given any favours. Either way. Plus, I never wanted to be "assessed" in the first place.

So I am angry that I'd let other people convince me that I could/should do this.. when I knew deep down that I didn't want to. I was doing the course to please others... not myself. Did I really want to be a ride leader anyway? Not really - I am really much happier being 2IC. Was a contrived scenario, based on my ability to act, going to prove I could lead a ride? I don't really know. It seems to be the latest trend; even if you go for a job stacking shelves in a supermarket! - which looks to make me pretty well unemployable then.

I might change my mind, but right now my stance is 'well, congratulations... what this course achieved for me is that I am now ruling myself out of leading any rides.' After all, if I can't face up to a role-play scenario, then I quite possibly can't handle any real life crises that might occur. While they said there was no passing or failing, a 'didn't even do' is a fail in my book.

Personally I think that there are other better ways for people to 'train up' as ride leaders. Be a support rider... and then when you do feel ready to lead a ride, then do so with the more experienced leader as back-up. Sounds logical to me.. but the whole competency/training scene these days is role playing.

And what did we actually learn on the day? Not that much, really. We 'discussed' three case studies of rides where things went wrong. (One of them I did say "Well, frankly, I wouldn't be leading a BUG ride on a wineries tour anyway, because duh! - with unknown participants you're asking to get idiots who want to get drunk!)

I prepared part of a ride route beforehand, with map and cue sheet, as per the guidelines in the reading material sent to us. I opted to be "assessed" for that, even though I had decided the whole "assessment" thing was a w*nk anyway. [Riding around doing that on the Wednesday and Friday last week trying to do that was time consuming. (And on Friday I got a flat tyre - which was good from the point of view of being able to practise changing it by myself without people standing over me - but it left me slightly more stressed and exhausted and with a sore lower back!!)]

So I passed the route planning! WHATEVER!! I didn't really care.. it meant nothing to me. The feedback on what I'd done was fine. "Yep, that's the way to do a cue sheet." But a tick and signature?! Wtf....

So there you are. I guess normal blogging transmission may resume once I've got myself over this little bout of neurosis (which may or may not coincide with the consumption of the rest of the packet of chocolate mint slices that I bought yesterday.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Oh, so you didn't miss me? Well, couldn't you just pretend that you did?

.

Labels: bike riding, daily, losing my mind

Leaving tomorrow for a few days cycling in Armidale with BUG people (and more particularly other people with tandems.)

It's almost 10pm and I haven't packed yet. My brain went walkabout today. I don't know if it's because Fragile Week has extended into Fragile Fortnight, or I am experiencing the first stages of early onset dementia, but I haven't got my act together at all, and I have a very worriesome story about how I can't manage to buy the right Italian deli meat for a particular frittata recipe - on an ongoing basis. I mean.. pancetta, pastrami, prosciutto - they all start with a 'p', don't they? (How confusing is that?! )

The girls have created a total bombsite upstairs with their packing, and I'm about to strangle one in particular over items of clothing that she "can't find". I can also sense Marc will explode at some point over what hasn't been done that I should have done today.

I have made a zucchini slice and the aforementioned frittata (with prosciutto instead of pancetta) to take with us for sharing at the place we are staying. For some reason cooking three meals in one night was too much of a challenge for the Planning and Logistics department in the old brain, and it took me all day to figure out what to have for dinner, and what to par-cook to take tomorrow. I finally dragged myself out to the supermarket in the afternoon, (didn't write a list, didn't get the right 'p' meat, didn't think to buy softdrink to take for the kids, probably forgot more things that I haven't realised yet...), and then didn't fully process the fact that the reason we are going tomorrow is that it is ANZAC day, and thus the shops will be closed in the morning at the very least, and therefore it was not a sensible decision to put off the buying of the BYO meat for Saturday night's BBQ till tomorrow - because there will not be any butchers open tomorrow.

While I had the cycling program for the weekend, which includes a ride tomorrow afternoon, I also didn't correctly process the required departure time in order to arrive at Armidale in time for the afternoon ride tomorrow (and to say hello to people and maybe have some lunch, and get our act together...) There's the small consideration of a 3 hour drive to factor in as well you see. I don't know how I thought we'd get there... through hyperspace perhaps.. because when Marc pointed out we needed to leave by about 9.00, I kind of gulped and thought "sh*t... I guess we do."....

Neurotic after all, perhaps.

If I manage not to get lost, or forget who I am and where I live, I'll talk to you all on Monday and tell you all about our weekend!

Labels: bike riding, daily, losing my mind

Pick your analogy. It's one extreme to the other round here. I have a real Jekyll and Hyde thing going on with my level of activity. Dr Sporty over the weekend, Mrs Sloth the rest of this week. Get the picture?

I have done nothing, nada, nought, ZERO exercise Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and today. School holidays where we have nothing planned seem to do that to me. No swimming class. Kids flopping around sleeping in - they seem to have it too... (And the weather isn't helping... it's been windy all week, and today it's rained as well...)

And don't think I've been filling the void with housework, which at least might burn a few calories! God no.. not housework... I'm in too much of a funk to get stuck into the housework.

I have been having a crappy time with my new glasses lenses. It seems I am of the small percentage that don't take well to these fangle-dangle multi-focal lenses. One of a small percentage that are hypersensitive to the weird peripheral blurr that happens when you actually MOVE YOUR HEAD! (Basically, my brain is saying 'nup, I can't process this shit'. ) Apparently some take to it immediately. Most adjust. But some just never cope.

I had persevered for a week - a headache inducing, and thus depression inducing week which was thankfully offset a bit by my hyperactive weekend which took me away from the computer or any need to wear specs. I went back into the optometrist yesterday; the optometry assistant tweaked the angle of my frames, or something, which has actually helped slightly.. but I had to go back in early today to catch the optometrist.

"What was wrong with my old prescription?" I wailed. "No good anymore. You're getting older, your eyes are changing.... your eyes are not the same as they were 5 years ago. You need separate prescriptions for reading and longer distance (like the computer monitor) and if we don't use this multi-focal technology, you'll be needing different glasses for different things." I mean, I just went for a check-up, not because I was experiencing any problems....

He put my old prescription of lenses in to the testing frames. I slumped, deflated.... he is right.. not optimum vision any more. But what is the solution? He decided to order single focal lenses as back ups, and meanwhile I keep persevering while I wait (and keeping my head really still at the computer.) If it's still bad by next week, we go back to them, and try the multi-focals again later.

Gotta just love being told how old you're getting ... and how it's only going to get worse.

Throw in the fact that it appears to be Fragile Week anyway.. the Feel Like Crying For No Reason but also Ready to Bite Someone's Head Off at the Same Time Week. Sponsored by the spectacle scenario above, and the fact that I probably shouldn't have been forgetting to take those Evening Primrose Oil capsules because I think they actually DO WORK after all....

And how many times have I concluded that Exercise Endorphins are the best drug for an emotionally prone and patently hormonal nutcase, yet the very nature of the emotional chasm you have fallen into means that you don't have the wherewithall to get yourself out and moving??

How can one woman go from full-on (and loving it) to zilch in the space of one night's sleep?

AND. This cross country skiing idea? It's a bit of a yes we can/no it's a stupid bloody idea rollercoaster. But I won't go into that right now.. because it might make me cry. again...

Labels: losing my mind

Nothing drastic - it's just been a bit of a manic mum week, with events on Wednesday reflecting the essence of the 'crazy' in crazytrace.

So I'm going to regale you with said events- particularly seeing that you won't interrupt while I do so in order to tell me what I SHOULD have done. And should not have done - Does your other half do that to you? Interrupt when you're telling him about something that happened? Well, mine does, and I think that is sending me more crazy than the events in themselves... Even Caitlin told him that it wasn't one of those computer game where you could choose the outcome. This had already happened. It was PAST TENSE! Not that she is any better. All my family have a habit of interrupting me to tell me I'm taking too long to tell a story. I know brevity is not my strong point, but they cause me to prolong the story by a factor of ten, and then use it as proof that I take a long time to tell a story.

And they wonder why I have my own blog. (At least I can't see you wander off when I get long-winded!)

Anyway. This is my story.

School swimming carnival time of year is enough to send most parents slightly bonkers anyway. - unless you're the professional swimming parent type who revels in it all. (Which I am not.) I am, however, in my seventh year, at least, of my kids winning through one or two (or three) more levels after the school swimming carnival purely on the back of a one hour swimming squad once a week. (As you end up at higher levels you see the parents with stop watches, and PBs committed to memory... I am not one of those!)

So, Monday this week was the primary school District carnival - comprising up to a dozen local schools I suppose. I don't know if our region is special or what, but it seems to have an extra level that other public schools in the state don't have. They skip straight to "Zone", while we have a District carnival for swimming, and cross country and athletics too. Then Zone. Then Regional. Then State. (One year Cait's junior relay team got through to State.)

Whatever. For some reason our school doesn't see fit to take the kids who have come 1, 2 or 3 in their respective races in on a bus to District or above - for the swimming it's private transport all the rest of the way, baby - and the teachers that come from the school sit at District doing some particular job and aren't available to organise and marshal the kids. It's up to the hapless parents to make sure their kids are sorted. (And to volunteer as timekeepers, which I've stopped doing in the name of looking after my girl instead, but that's another guilt trip altogether!)

Monday's District carnival ran ultra slowly - new organisers I gather - and results (no finals, just based on times) were painfully slow in being processed and posted. I was doing tag team with the Daddy around 12.30 so that I could go to my usual Monday swimming squad. (He is sweet like that, didn't want me to miss my class...)

Zoe had a few earlier races, and was in the junior girls relay (about the second last event). They thought they came in third, he said, but not only was that unclear, the organisers couldn't even say up to how many places went through to the next level anyway. Was it the first two, or the first three? Noone seemed to be sure. Problem was, Zone was only two days away! They would let the schools know the next day.

In hindsight I wish I'd stayed at the bloody pool so that I could have communicated with the parents of the other swimmers in the relay team.

The daddy and I did crazy tag team some more that day, meeting half way (10km mark) between home and town after my swimming squad to shuttle Zoe and a friend home. (And then I drove back into town an hour later to take Cait and netball teammate to rep training, and hung around for 2 hours to bring them back at 6.30... yes, I am trying not to think about my carbon emission imprint, footprint, or whatever it's called....)

On Tuesday the school didn't even find out if the relay team had to swim till after lunch. I rang them, and seeing that Zoe wasn't through in any other races, I told the office staff: "I will pick Zoe up from school before 12.00 and take her in. There is no point her hanging around a carnival all morning doing nothing. Could you please let people know this. Whoever needs to know, could you let them know."

I figured I'd been to enough Zone carnivals by now to know that even though they are usually better run than the District ones, there is no way, when they start at 9.30, that they'd be up to the relays by 12.00. Getting her there by 12.00 should be ample time.

So on Wednesday I went ahead and organised myself a morning bike ride with a friend who was down from another town 2 hours away... We did a 30 km bike ride, I got changed in the car, and shuttled back up to the school at 11.45.

As I arrived at school office the office manager meets me outside. 'Hurry, hurry - the other parents have just rung, they are in a panic, they are just about to start the medleys, then it's the relays.'

**** !!!

So I broke the speed limit driving to town (we're talking 15-20 min drive here) while Zoe got changed (under the seat belt) in the back seat... How could I have got it so wrong?! Please, nooooo, don't let me be the slacko parent who lets the relay team down. I have been in that other situation where it turned out that a breakdown in communication at the school end meant that one or two from the relay team didn't even know they were supposed to turn up. I know I was pretty cheesed off that day.)

At a set of lights in town I keyed in the school no. on my mobile, then, given the illegality of talking on mobile phones whilst driving, handed it to Zoe, and told her to ask the office lady to ring the parent at the pool and tell her we were nearly there. Just around the corner. I knew if I was that other parent I'd be spewing, so it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Whoever Zoe spoke to got her confused and what she heard was that we'd missed it. The relays had been run.

She cried. I cried. (And swore a lot.) How mortified was I to be a parent who would cause a team to forfeit? (And feeling SO bad about the cause being me going for a bike ride! )

And how could I have got it so wrong?! - I'd based my estimation on quite a few years experience of primary Zone carnivals!!!

I'd been going to drop Zoe off at the pool entry, let her bolt in, and I'd catch up after I'd found somewhere to park. But she was crying (which, Marc, is why I didn't throw her out of the car then) so we slowly drove a bit further, and luckily jagged a parking spot. I rang school again to get the phone no. of the other parent so I could ring to apologise. (Yes, I was feeling a bit chicken about facing them.)

I find out we're not late after all. Zoe has misheard. More expletives! I race Zoe across the road to the pool just as we hear an announcement that they are going to have a HALF HOUR BREAK before the medleys, which are the event before the relays!!!!

So we were nowhere near late.

And we probably waited more than an hour before their race. (They came 6th out of 12... and so they didn't get through to the next level. Thank god, really!)

I guess you have to learn from such events. All the 'shoulda's'.

I shoulda have remembered that if they were running that early they would in all likelihood take a lunch break. And so not panicked.

I shoulda talked to the office lady myself and not created a chinese whispers scenario putting Zoe on the phone.

The school shoulda had a teacher or parent in charge, with a list of swimmers, and memos such as "Zoe's mum will bring her in by lunchtime." And in all likelihood said teacher would have known me from our years at the school, and known that I am the reliable type.

Another parent already at the pool who knew the two relay team parents were worried shoulda known that Zoe's mum has done lots of swimming carnivals with her older sisters and isn't the sort not to turn up. (Except that said mother is more interested in the kids who do surf club....and we don't.)

Given I can't control what the school will do with staffing, I shoulda got the phone no's of the other parents and rung them the night before AND given them my number.

The swimming carnival run is thus over for Zoe for this year, but Alison is off to Regional for high school. Next Thursday. In a town nearly 2 hours drive away. Can't wait for that one. At least she is in a few races, but these include a few relays.


Meanwhile, the kids are working on giving me more grey hairs still this week. I had to drop Alison at school early today for recorder practice, and we are nearly 3km into the drive (and already running a bit late) when I ask the stupid, naggy Mum question: "You've got your recorder and all that don't you?"...

She clasps her hand over her mouth with an "oh no!"... and I think at first she is having me on.

No.

Labels: daily, losing my mind

If it's not one thing with me, it's another. Saw a physio on Tuesday. I'm not a big fan of physios - they never helped with my back, and in my experience tend to rely heavily on their little magic machines. But after the debacle with my knee on Sunday, just when it felt all but better, I was desperate for a quick fix after putting myself around 3 weeks (out of 5) back in the recovery stakes.

So, his esteemed opinion (after moving both knees around in more planes that I thought possible - and particularly in ways that my sub-conscious didn't want either knee to go) was that I had a small cartilage tear. (I am sure he said that because I mentioned that the chiro didn't think I'd torn any cartilage.) He gave me stretches to do - ones I'd been pretty much doing anyway - then when I told him that, he replied "Yes, you've done the right thing by coming to see me." Huh? .. did I have a sign on my head saying "Please patronise me" ?

$75 for that consult, and he wanted to see me again ($60) a few days later. He put me on the gym equipment doing leg raises that I could do for half that price with the trainer (and I thought that was an extravagance!) I didn't need to be a mental arithmetic guru to figure that this was going to be an expensive undertaking if I stuck with him. Just not enough value for money. When I asked what I could do (thinking strapping) to avoid hurting it again, he basically told me not to twist it. To stop and turn carefully.

Well duh.

I'm not going back there.

My trainer recommended a different physio who she thought would just teach me how to strap it, but I haven't made any more appointments. Yet. I'm a bit fed up and wary about throwing more money around for no reason.

Wed afternoon it hurt more again, but yesterday it had eased, and I hope I can swim tonight.

So, then last night my wrist and hand started throbbing - which is probably an indication of too much time spent on the computer. (Which doesn't do anything for my pie in the sky dreams of doing some kind of freelance computer work...)

So there you have it... Tracey and the Neverending Saga of the Dodgy Body Parts. (And there goes your theory that I ask for all these aches and pains because of all the crazy exercise-type stuff I do!)

That's the limit of my keyboarding stint for now. I've strapped my wrist (it's waaay better than last night, but I'm being cautious) and right-handed pecking at keys is just a a bit desperado and just total proof that I spend way too much time on here doing nothing much of merit.

Labels: daily, losing my mind

The primary school had a Bike Education day today - so it was a good impetus to ride to school with Zoe, who is still not the most confident 9 year old solo bike rider you've ever seen. (In fact she's probably one of the least confident - she can hang on for grim life on the back of a triplet bike going at 80 km/hr downhill and not scream "slow doooowwwwn" anymore, but put her on her own bike and she just doesn't have the bike handling skills that most kids years younger than her have. She never did, even before we got into the tandems; guess it's just one of those things that doesn't come naturally to her.)

We rode together to school and I kissed her goodbye at the school gate this morning , arranging to meet her up in the school grounds at the end of school - around 3.10 pm.

Guess who totally forgot?

Guess who was on the phone *yak, yak, yak* and at 3.30 suddenly realised where she should have been 20 minutes ago?

Guess who was crying when I met her half way to school, another mum/teacher's aide riding with her and suggesting all the possible reasons Mum might have been late. (Just plain FORGETTING wasn't one of them, incidentally.)

Guess who promised to blog it (seeing she tells enough tales out of school about her children's misdemeanours?).. and at least raised a bit of a wry smile.

Labels: bike riding, kids, losing my mind

This trying to either stand or get horizontal is really quite tedious. And that's coming from a supreme procrastinator who is quite good at not being 'active' around the house. What's really frustrating about it is that I don't have an 'in your face' pain thing that automatically disencourages me to sit. So I can't help but sit .. a little bit.. every now and then...(like now - sshhh - don't tell anyone...) There is a discomfort factor, but I'm basically going nuts with the alternatives.

I lay around watching tv and a dvd all day, and I actually got really bored with it. Which is quite fascinating, as the idea of being able to lounge around, guilt-free, watching telly all day would, to many people, be quite appealing. (Probably all that says about me is that I'm just more hooked on the internet.)

But trying to get horizontal on the lounge, but still watch the tv, isn't totally comfortable either... I've probably done things now to other parts of my spine. So I've also spent some time standing around. In the front garden. Watching the birds. Looking at the house from the outside. In the kitchen. Till that drove me nuts too.

I never realised how much you sit around in the normal course of a day. At the computer. At the table to eat. Whenever you want to eat or drink anything.... either at the table, or sitting upright on the lounge. (Lucky we have recliner chairs in our lounge, so I've been using that feature, figuring that it's not as bad as sitting upright......)

I appreciate the kind suggestions to get a housekeeper, but, you know, I'm totally not bad enough to warrant one.. never mind the fact that I would absolutely loathe having someone else in my house. (Gah... I so couldn't cope with that!) I can walk around.. pain free really. I'm quite functional in most respects, except that the bending/sitting thing does niggle. (And if I bend recklessly, then I know about it.) Then just add to that the guilt compontent because you've been advised not to sit, so if you do sit you know you're likely doing something that is contrary to the goal of getting your back better. (But seriously, when you wake up after being horizontal all night and your back hurts, it's a bit hard to be totally committed.)

Marc got home this afternoon.. which is good - very good - except that he's outrageously tired, and has finally collapsed on the lounge (and so I am anticipating that his snoring tonight is going to drive me nuts!! Welcome home darling.)

I lined up the girls to prepare tacos for dinner, figuring that was something they could pretty much do. They did most of it.. though again I say God help the 14 year old! - No commonsense. Noone who has had as many tacos as she has in the past AND who has commonsense would cut up the tomatoes in huge chunks like she did. *le sigh*. I suppose we all have our 'blonde' moments - me no exception - but I do worry about the girl. (I also had to point out to her today that when you hang clothes on the line they will actually dry better if you un-scrunch them - and pull sleeves out that have got all tucked in, etc. *double le sigh*) I don't know if it's lack of commonsense, or just sheer laziness.

[My ultimate goal with the children is that they will become thinking, caring and contributing members of the household. Where they will have the ability to notice what needs to be done, and then get in and do it. Like - ooh, it's late afternoon. Clothes still on line. Will go bring them in. So far (and this is highlighted when I'm unwell, or slightly incapacitated as now) they're not really 'getting it'. We still have a long way to go... I suppose someone will tell me that I am fighting typical child/teenager egocentricity...)

Anyway... yeah.. just here to whinge.. and I've gone overtime with an illicit and undoubtedly ill-advised 'sit'.

Time to wake the boy and go up to bed to get horizontal.

Labels: losing my mind

So I had an appointment card from the Dentist - with three appointments - one for each child. I very "efficiently" transcribed the times onto my calendar, and then threw the card out. [A valiant but misguided attempt at dejunking my life...]

As this week progresses I check the calendar and make strategic arrangements to fit the appointments around the usual afternoon activities. Monday morning's one goes off without a hitch. Take kid to 9.00 appointment; drop her late at school. [And hope like hell the hygienist's analogy of badly cleaned and unflossed teeth smelling like the bottom of a garbage bin makes some impact on the 14 year old who often "forgets" to clean her teeth.]

By Tuesday I'm thinking ahead to the next day, and I'm eyeing off the Wednesday afternoon madness, which includes a 4.40 dentist appointment for Zoe. I turn to a friend and we come up with a complicated car pooling arrangement, whereby my eldest gets a lift with her to town for netball, and in return I arrange to pick up one of her kids from a local activity and bring her home with me until the husband gets home.

During Wednesday I get a courtesy call from the Dentist to remind me of the 4.40 appointment on Thursday afternoon. Duh! Got that wrong didn't I. But Wednesday afternoon suddenly gets easier, and I make a mental note for Thursday. (The term 'mental' here, in retrospect, is apt.)

Thursday I have tennis, and then I stop by the shops on my way home. I am chuffed with myself for being assertive with the jewellers when I go to return the watch I bought Alison for her birthday. "We only exchange or give store credit." Me [firmly, and 3 times to separate assistants going up the scale in seniority]: "No... I was told I could get a refund if my daughter didn't like it. I WOULD NOT HAVE BOUGHT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE OTHERWISE." They finally gave me the refund.

At home I spend some time counselling middle child about how to deal with the fact that the friend who spent time here the previous evening blundered in and 'had a go' on the friendship bracelets Ali was making for her rep teammates, making mistakes and making more work for Alison.

We realise the time and race off to her netball training, and I get chatting instead of coming home. Then I get a call from eldest daughter at home. The dentist's have rung, and I've missed the 4.40 appointment! DOH! They must get so frustrated with people who do that, particularly when they give the courtesy call reminder the day before.

Damn this memory failure thing. Was I was too flushed with my own rare display of determined, yet polite assertiveness in the shop? Or the fact that I was filling my mind with an unnecessary amount of 'chuffedness' re the fact that I actually played quite well at tennis thankyouverymuch!

Am I on the slippery slope to early onset Alzheimers, or is this normal for mothers? (Of my age?)

Can I get a memory upgrade?

Or do I just now and for the rest of my life need a system where I record things in 10 different places as memory prompts?

So this morning I've phoned the dentists and done my apologies. And rescheduled. And written up the other appointment scheduled for Monday afternoon on my odds and ends reminder whiteboard - heaven help me, I don't want to forget that one.

Labels: daily, doh, losing my mind